The Stages of Maturity - What Stage Are You?
In this issue;
The Eight Stages of Human Maturity:
A Roadmap to Self-Realisation
I recently saw a video from Don Oakley describing "the eight stages of human maturity" providing a profound framework for understanding how we grow, evolve, and align with our true nature.
These stages provide a framework for understanding where you are on your journey and what lies ahead. While most people get stuck in stage 3, moving beyond them opens doors to greater awareness, authenticity, and alignment.
For me, this journey has been one of discovery, challenge, and continual recalibration. Below, I’ve shared my experiences of navigating each stage, (with dates) from unconscious beginnings to living in alignment with life.
Stage 1: Non-Conceptual Awareness
We are born with pure awareness, experiencing the world through our senses without forming concepts, identities, or thoughts.
1969-1973
This stage, as described, is a time before self-awareness takes hold. For me, it’s not something I remember consciously, but it’s the foundation upon which everything else is built. It’s the essence of just being — free of concepts or identity.
Stage 2: Getting Programmed
As we grow, we are conditioned by our environment, absorbing functional and dysfunctional patterns. This programming shapes our behaviours, beliefs, and perceptions.
1975-1989
School and college shaped much of my conditioning, both positively and negatively. The system sought to mould me into their image of success while rejecting my potential. As a black male, I was often dismissed and underestimated. Simultaneously, my parents instilled a different narrative: that as a black man in this country, I’d need to work twice as hard to get half as far. This duality of rejection and resilience created the programming that would shape my early view of the world and my place in it.
Stage 3: Normal Robotic Existence
Most people live their lives unconsciously, guided by their programming. Decisions feel personal but are heavily influenced by conditioning, creating a sense of “this is just who I am.”
1996-2017
Entering the corporate world, I embraced compliance. At Hays Information Management, I was the good worker, doing what was required in the hope that meritocracy would reward me. Instead, I was confronted with racism and unfair treatment. At Pipex, I carried the same mindset but found success as a salesperson. However, this period of doing what was expected left me unfulfilled. It became clear that despite material achievements, something deeper was missing.
Stage 4: A Turning Point
A shock — loss, crisis, or existential questioning — can break the trance of robotic existence. This stage forces a choice: cling to old patterns or open to new possibilities.
1999 -2005
The existential question arose: Is this all there is? This was my awakening moment, catalysed by the recognition that no amount of money or external success could fill the void I felt. I attended my first retreat, Soul Recharge, and began a search for deeper meaning. This turning point marked the start of my journey inward, a process of shedding old conditioning and seeking something more profound.
Stage 5: Asking the Big Question
This is the stage of introspection, where we ask, Who am I really? Beyond roles, achievements, and opinions lies a deeper, often uncomfortable, truth: I don’t know.
2002 - 2011
After retreats and travelling the world, I reached the point of asking: Who am I? At an identity level, I sought to understand myself and define the life I truly wanted to lead. This wasn’t a surface-level exercise; it was about connecting with the person beneath the conditioning and exploring what it meant to live authentically.
Stage 6: Discovering What We’ve Always Been
Through inquiry or exploration, we reconnect with our true nature — the innate awareness present since birth. This essence is timeless and unchanging, often referred to as spirit or essential being.
2011- Ongoing
This stage brought me into deeper self-exploration through altered states of consciousness. Experimenting with psychedelics like psilocybin, ayahuasca, and iboga opened pathways to my essential self. These experiences revealed a foundational awareness of my true nature — an awareness that continues to deepen. They taught me that beneath all roles, identities, and achievements lies an unchanging, authentic essence
Stage 7: Stabilising the Discovery
Awareness of our true nature can feel fleeting. This stage involves integrating that awareness into daily life through practices, habits, and repeated alignment with our essence.
2006 - Ongoing
Awareness can be fleeting without practices that ground it in daily life. This stage was about building rituals and habits to stay connected to my essential self, even when life pulled me away. Journaling, annual retreats, silent retreats, and practices like qigong became my anchors. They serve as tools to realign when I feel disconnected, allowing me to find my way back to my true nature again and again.
Stage 8: Coming into Alignment with Life
The personal self dissolves into a sense of unity with life. Actions arise naturally in service to life, not for personal gain or validation, but as an effortless unfolding.
2017 - Ongoing
The COVID-19 lockdown was a reset for me. It reinforced the importance of internal and external alignment. This stage is about more than personal growth — it’s about being in service. For me, that means aligning my work, my family life, and my environmental and social impact with my true nature. It’s about showing up authentically and contributing to the world in ways that matter, moment by moment.
A Path to Awareness
The journey isn't linear, and in my case, some stages are occurring simultaneously. My maturity continues to evolve, and I believe there may be levels beyond Eight.
Where do you find yourself on this path? What practices can help you move forward?
Here is the video of Don describing the stages on Tik Tok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdkYhED9/
The Inner Guru
Dates October 8th - 16th 2025.
Join us on the Island of Koh Chang for the next Inner Guru retreat.
What's included
Pre-retreat sessions and information for your preparation.
Yoga - Mental and Physical re-balancing - re-connecting our body and mind as a complete system
Meditation - generating deep relaxation and inner Peace - a natural way for stress management
Group coaching session workshops and workbook.
Pre-detox and post-detox meal for preparing for and breaking the fast.
Fasting - resting your internal organs allowing them to repair and be rejuvenated
Cleansing Detox - cleansing your body of waste, parasites and toxins supporting the re-generation of new Healthy cells.
3 x 30 mins Abdominal massages to support the detox process from qualifed and experienced professionals
3 x 60 mins traditional Thai or oil massages for relaxation and de-stressing from qualified and experienced professionals.
3 X infrared sauna or herbal steam to support detox and general wellbeing.
Prices from £1,595 - Book and pay your deposit before end of Feb for £100 off
Price includes Accommodation, Transfers in Thailand, 3.5 Cleansing Detox, Detox, drinks, supplements, Pre detox and Post detox meals, 30 min abdominal massage, 60 minute thai or oil massage, Infra Sauna and steam Exercises (Yoga, meditation, etc), coaching in workshops.
Flights not included in price.
Additional Extras (not included in the price)
Massages, meals, therapeutic and beauty treatments; one-to-one coaching sessions,
If you'd like to learn more, let me know by sending a message with "Inner guru" as the subject for advanced notice of dates, costs and if you have any questions.
Click here for full details
Best Selling Book
I am officially a best selling author!
A huge thank you to everyone that supported me with buying the book on the day of the release which helped it get the "best seller."
For my chapter in this book I talk about my personal story from having an Existential crisis in the corporate world to going on my first retreat in 1999. And how this leads to "innerstanding" our 5 Intelligences and how we can use them to thrive in our lives,
The paperback version is also out now as well as the kindle version, if you would like to purchase a copy click the following links
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